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Airline gripe sheet
Posted: 06 June 2008 01:57 AM   [ Ignore ]
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After every flight, airline pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some supposedly actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution as recorded by Qantas maintenance engineers.


P: The problem logged by the pilot.
S: The solution and action taken by the engineers.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

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You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk-dancing.

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Posted: 06 June 2008 03:28 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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OLD list. I see it’s making the rounds again - saw it on another forum I frequent.

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1: Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof. If it does what it says, you should have no problem with this.
2: What proof will you accept that you are wrong? You ask us to change our mind, but we cannot change yours?
3: It is not our responsability to disprove your claims, but rather your responsability to prove them.
4. Personal testamonials are not proof.

What part of ‘meow’ don’t you understand?

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Posted: 06 June 2008 06:51 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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I believe the mechanics live on the Hoax Forum….I recognize Accip for sure

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SilentTone: hulitoons blog of just plain silliness?
UBUNTU’ in the Xhosa culture means: ‘I am because we are.)”  So, I AM because WE are

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Posted: 06 June 2008 01:11 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
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my apologies Robin, I did search this forum and had no results, so I thought it worthy of posting

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You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk-dancing.

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Posted: 06 June 2008 02:32 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
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Already posted here, but I wouldn’t worry about it.
smile

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2-15-15 9-19 1 19-16-15-18-11 7-15-4-4-5-19-19 15-6 13-9-7-8-20
Turnip Boris Yeltsin frog juggling doormat termite lizard

“Herbal medicine’s been around for thousands of years! Indeed it has. And then we tested it all, and the stuff that worked became medicine. And the rest of it’s just a nice bowl of soup and some pot pourri.” - Dara O’Briain

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Posted: 06 June 2008 03:59 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
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Yeah, it’s still very funny. smile

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Heaven must be really boring, if you think about it logically.
All the angels must be snoring.  Who could stand perfection for eternity?

Not me. - George Hrab

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Posted: 07 June 2008 03:26 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]
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Yeah, oldie, but always good.

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Remember, a Dragon is for life!

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Posted: 08 June 2008 05:24 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]
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Yup, it still makes me laugh. smile

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Research Mod

“We are wise to avoid association with those who hide their identity in Internet chat rooms.”
                                                                  - The Watchtower

The platypus is mother nature’s way of saying, “I made this thing out of spare parts I found on the workshop floor, and it can still ****ing cripple you.”

Sylvia Browne

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Posted: 09 June 2008 11:14 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]
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I adore aviation jokes!!! LOL

You might be a redneck pilot if:
you’ve retro fitted a gun rack in your Cessna 172
your stall warning horn plays Dixie
you have tobacco stains on your empennage
you’re wondering “what the heck is an empennage?”
you’ve ever called a female ATC controller “darlin”
you hangar your airplane at Kissimmee
you’ve ever referred to your horizontal stabilizer as “the tailgate”
your runway, taxiway and tie-down spot are the same
you’ve ever hauled lumber in your airplane
your A&P;mechanic’s name is “Bubba”
you converted your Cherokee to run on corn sqeezins (that’s home-made liquor for all you city pilots)
your chief pilot is from Cullman, Alabama (just kidding Steve)
you think GPS stands for “Gators play Seminoles”
your flight plan calls for a left turn at the hog pen
you have a Cessna 150 up on cement blocks in your front yard
your multi-function display receives the Nashville Network
you keep a spare pack of Skoal in the airplane
your bass boat motor has more horsepower than your airplane’s engine
your house and your hangar both have wheels
you secretly hope John Deere starts building airplanes
your CFI lives in St. Cloud (just kidding Ryan)
you turn base-to-final over the Super Wal-Mart
you’ve ever fantasized of flying with Dolly Parton in your airplane
you’ve ever bought pilot supplies at a flea market
you’ve ever asked a bar-tender for a Nav Light
your first solo cross-country was to Wachula
your weight and balance calculations included 5 cases of Budweiser
you’ve ever tried to pick-up chicks at Oshkosh
Your “plotter” sports an ad for Tractor Supply
You have a confederate flag on your com antenna

I’m from Southeast Louisiana so I know a thing or two about rednecks!

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“My chief task has been to conquer fear” - Houdini

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Posted: 09 June 2008 03:04 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 9 ]
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Magnoire La Chouette - 09 June 2008 03:14 PM

you’ve ever tried to pick-up chicks at Oshkosh

HAHA, I’ve had guys try to pick me up at Oshkosh!  LOL

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You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk-dancing.

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Posted: 09 June 2008 03:14 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 10 ]
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So you’re a redneck pilot chick?  wink

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Heaven must be really boring, if you think about it logically.
All the angels must be snoring.  Who could stand perfection for eternity?

Not me. - George Hrab

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Posted: 09 June 2008 04:19 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 11 ]
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Tower: “United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o’clock, three miles, eastbound.”

United 329: “Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this: I’ve got the little Fokker in sight.”

smile

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“My chief task has been to conquer fear” - Houdini

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