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Billy Connolly’s 13 Things I hate About People (language NSFW)
Posted: 21 November 2005 06:41 AM   [ Ignore ]
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Got this sent to me in an email. Thought I’d share it with you all smile

Biily Connolly’s 13 things I hate about people.

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time…I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

3. When people say “Oh, you just want your have your cake and eat it too”.
Fucking right! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?

4. When people say “It’s always in the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why the fuck would people keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film “Did you see that?”. No tosser, I paid ten quid to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.

6. People who ask “Can I ask a question?”. Didn’t really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is ‘new and improved!’. Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say “Life is short”. What the fuck? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does! What can you do that’s longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone says “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob Head?

10. People who say things like “My eyes aren’t what they used to be.”. So, what did they used to be? Ears? Wellington boots?

11. When you’re eating something and someone asks “Is that nice?”. No, it’s revolting. I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks, that’s an image I really didn’t need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don’t understand you if you don’t insert the ‘Mc’ before every item you are ordering…. It has to be a McChicken burger, just a chicken burger gets blank looks….Well I’ll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser!

Enjoy!

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Posted: 21 November 2005 06:47 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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LOL

But… are you sure these are actually Billy?
Some of them don’t sound quite like him.

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Posted: 21 November 2005 06:48 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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I guess they do make sense, but did he have to use the F word so many times? o_o I mean, we get that he’s pissed off at these things but yeah….

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Posted: 21 November 2005 06:48 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
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Meh, I just copied and pasted. I don’t particular care if it was him or not. I just found it amusing…

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Posted: 21 November 2005 06:51 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
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Works for me!
smile

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Turnip Boris Yeltsin frog juggling doormat termite lizard

“Herbal medicine’s been around for thousands of years! Indeed it has. And then we tested it all, and the stuff that worked became medicine. And the rest of it’s just a nice bowl of soup and some pot pourri.” - Dara O’Briain

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Posted: 21 November 2005 07:12 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
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Some of those have been attributed to multiple people.

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Posted: 21 November 2005 12:34 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]
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The first one is definitely him,
possibly some of the others
I don’t know about all of them though.

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Posted: 21 November 2005 07:33 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]
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One & four I’ve definitely heard him say.  And I shouldn’t be reading this while trying to talk on the phone - I just tried to add a “Mc” infront of someone’s name…

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Posted: 22 November 2005 03:48 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]
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lol, he does say ‘fuck’ alot, I watched him on children in need last year. I don’t particularly like him that much.

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