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I reckon he cud do it
Posted: 18 November 2005 06:11 AM   [ Ignore ]
New Member
Total Posts:  16
Joined  2005-11-16

Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs.
When the director said he can’t, he replied, “Of course
I can, I’m Chuck Norris,” and roundhouse kicked him in
the face.

If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats
all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

On the 7th day, God rested…. Chuck Norris took over.

Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.

It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the
force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world’s
hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave
them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so
much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into
artificial Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he
pulls a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby
will blow up upon impact.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly
declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds
because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so
hard it became a Wendy’s.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely
responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will
simply stare at you grimly.

Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be
seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.

Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies just check the
extinct species list.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one
thanksgiving, Chuck said, “don’t worry about it honey,”
and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later
with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a
few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with
cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done
it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said,
“Never question Chuck Norris.”

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the
entire cake before they could tell him there was a stripper
in it.

Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space
you know who would win? Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and
poops them out transformed into a robot.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to
misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of

Before science was invented it was once believed that
autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every
tree in existence.

Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach
messages to kittens and roundhouse kick them.

In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation Chuck
Norris can be seen powering the USS enterprise warp drive
with his roundhouse kicks

Chuck Norris was once asked to recommend a club to which
he replied ‘I am a club’ and everyone partied on him…
Until he roundhouse kicked them all because someone spilt
his beer.


Philadelphia / Seventy-Eight
Shut down M.O.V.E. / By police state
Forty-five police storm Powellton Village
Government sanctioned rape and pillage
Friendly fire kills officer dead
The M.O.V.E. nine are framed up instead
One dead cop / One officer’s gun
(One) Unjust system is yet undone
In spite of efforts dissipated
Until the movement was incinerated

Posted: 18 November 2005 06:25 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
Five Star Member
Total Posts:  8167
Joined  2005-02-06


What the heck have you been smoking?


The Kruger-Dunning effect is rampant on internet fora.
J. Kruger & D. Dunning (1999), Unskilled and unaware of it: how difficulties in recognizing one’s own incompetence lead to inflated self-assessments. J Pers Soc Psychol. 77, 1121-1134

Posted: 18 November 2005 07:08 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
Total Posts:  9365
Joined  2005-01-23


I am crying from laughing so hard! That has got to be the funniest thing I have read in a very long time!


The Middleman: (drinking milk) You know, that was some darn fine cow squirt.

Posted: 18 November 2005 04:06 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
Senior Member
Total Posts:  620
Joined  2005-06-30

I agree with Lama. Who the hey is Chuck Norris?

Posted: 18 November 2005 04:20 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
Total Posts:  26052
Joined  2004-11-08

Snowy, don’t make me roundhouse kick you.



Heaven must be really boring, if you think about it logically.
All the angels must be snoring.  Who could stand perfection for eternity?

Not me. - George Hrab

Posted: 20 November 2005 05:48 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
Total Posts:  6453
Joined  2004-11-08

I’m not sure I understand why this is funny.

I can’t stand Chuck Norris.  My dad watches “Texas Rangers” whenever he finds it on T.V., and with satellite, that means it’s on every time I visit.  I swear he watches it just to tick me off.

I think Chuck Norris has got to be the most annoying actor.  Ever.


I’m loving the puppies.

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