A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads:
SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 10 MILES.
He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says:
SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 5 MILES.
He realizes that these signs are for real. Then he drives past athird sign saying:
SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT.
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF MERCY. He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, “What may we do for you, my son?” He answers, “I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business.” “Very well, my son. Please follow me.” He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man, “Please knock on this door.” He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup. This nun instructs, “Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway.” He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun’s cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:
GO IN PEACE, YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF MERCY.
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off the at the next stop.
When the bus starts on it’s way the driver says to the hippie, “I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you.” The hippie says that he’d love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. “If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and you could command her to have sex with you.”
The hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. Sure enough, at midnight the nun shows up and begins praying. The hippie jumped out from hiding and says, “I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, but first you must have sex with me.”
The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun.
After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts, “Ha! Ha! Ha! I’m the hippie!!”
Then the nun jumps up and shouts, “Ha! Ha! Ha! I’m the bus driver!”
When Sister Marlena entered the Monastery of Silence, the Abbot said, “Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so.” Sister Marlena lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Abbot said to her, “Sister Marlena, you have been here for 5 years you can speak two words.” Sister Marlena said, “Hard bed.” I’m sorry to hear that,” the Abbot said, “We will get you a better bed.” After another 5 years, the Abbot called Sister Marlena into his office. “You may say another two words, Sister Marlena.” “Cold food,” said Sister Marlena. The Abbott assured her that the food would be better in the future. On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Abbott again called Sister Marlena into his office. “Two words you may say today.” “I quit,” said Sister Marlena. “It is probably best,” said the Abbott, “You’ve done nothing but bitch since you got here”.