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Psychic uses Bible Book to predict incarceration of Paris Hilton
Posted: 29 June 2007 12:59 AM   [ Ignore ]
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Well, since all hoaxes are, by definition, a fabrication on someone’s part, and it has been a while since we had a good one, I decided to invent one all by myself.

Thus, there will be no link to it, as this is the original posting, worldwide.

Before we begin, I have noticed that any string that has the world ‘Bible’ in it attracts lots of comments, as does anything about Paris Hilton, bless her heart.  And psychics are always good for getting noticed, too; hence, my hoax’s title and theme.

I hope I am covering all the bases!

Unfortunately (for me), I have not figured out how to make money off this; I think I should have gotten copper bracelets or some kind of God-inspired weight-loss supplement involved, or sell some pamphlet that enlightens the faithful to the deeper meanings that can be found in The Bible if only one knows where to look.

Okay, anyway, we got all that out of the way, here it is:

A California psychic (guess who?) has found Bible verses that clearly predict the jailing of Paris Hilton.

“While thumbing through The Book Of Revelations a few nights ago, I came upon a passage so striking and prescient, I nearly spilled my cup of Green Tea.  Dumfounded, I shook and trembled for what seemed like hours, but in reality was maybe perhaps just a few seconds.  I stared at the flames in my fireplace, they seemed to say, ‘Re-read and believe…......re-read and believe, for it is I, your Lord and Master, Who doth speaketh to you.’ “

“Needless to say, immediately I put down my tea cup and re-opened my Bible, and lo, it opened to exactly the page I had been reading, and a stray tea-leaf marked the beginning of the passage.

“I shook so mightily I could barely re-read as instructed, but somehow, I managed.  Here it is:  from The Book Of Revelations, Verse 17, Pp3 - 6: 

The Woman on the Beast

3: Then the angel carried away in the Spirit into a desert.  There I saw a woman sitting on a scarlet beast that was covered with blasphemous names and had seven heads and ten horns.  [This is where I first thought of Paris Hilton, the horny cretin that she is.]

4 The woman was dressed in purple and scarlet, and was glittering with gold, prescious stones, and perals.  [Now I knew He was referring to Miss PH.]  She held a golden cup in her hand [representing her spoiled life ? ] filled with abominable things and the filth of her adulteries [Truly The Lord is speaking of her, the tramp, and the cup is filled with her own greivous sins!]

5 This title was written on her forehead:

Mystery
Babylon The Great
The Mother Of Prostitutes
And The Abominations Of The Earth

[I imagine the writing must have been very small, to match the purity of her soul.]

6 I saw that the woman was drunk with the blood of the saints, the blood of those who bore testimoney to Jesus.  [I am sure at this point it is Paris Hilton, on her way to jail.]

(end of Bible verse)

“Now, could that be more clear?  Her appearance in court, her sins held out for all to see, she is labelled for what she is, and off she goes to be with her own kind and see for herself what her wickedness brings to others.

Is there a believer among us who does not see what is clearly written, accurately foretelling her jail-time nearly 2,000 years ago?

Dan, hoping to find a passage in the Bible that will enlighten Bebe and cause her to see my many charms

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Posted: 29 June 2007 02:31 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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Dan Jr. - 29 June 2007 04:59 AM

Well, since all hoaxes are, by definition, a fabrication on someone’s part, and it has been a while since we had a good one, I decided to invent one all by myself.

...

Unfortunately (for me), I have not figured out how to make money off this; I think I should have gotten copper bracelets or some kind of God-inspired weight-loss supplement involved, or sell some pamphlet that enlightens the faithful to the deeper meanings that can be found in The Bible if only one knows where to look.

Well, your first mistake is to openly post that you made this up. Sheesh.  Come on.  Who’s going to believe when you blatantly admit it is completely fabricated?  (Undoubtedly someone will.) wink

What you need to do first is create your own website.  A free, cheesey one is fine.  Use Geocities (Yahoo!), or MSN homepage or even a Blogger or MySpace page that you customize the way you want it.  And make sure there are lots of interesting graphics that don’t really give any information.  Or, of course, you could get a “real” website, find a host and create it yourself from scratch.

Next you need to promote the website and this great prophecy (and new religion?!?!) you have found.  To do that you decide on a great, original screen name you can use throughout the web.  It should be interesting enough to stand out and be remembered.  Maybe “ParisProphecy”.  You could even through some random (or not so random) numbers on the end of it.  Avoid a name that is risque or might be confusing in the meaning.  “ParisLover99578” probably wouldn’t be good.  You’ll look like you’re standing in queue waiting on Ms. Hilton with your deli-number ticket firmly in hand.  (Or maybe already been served some time ago!)

After you pick that great user name you need Google as your friend.  Start Googling forums.  Sign up for every one you can find with your perfect user name.  It’s recommended that you try to narrow the selection of forums down to ones actually pertaining to what you want to post about.  Prophecy, religion, the bible, Paris Hilton.  (Hoaxes probably would not be a good one.)  At least to start with.  Try to attract at least a core group of followers before branching out.  Heck, you might even be able to get those core followers to help spread the love.

Before we begin, I have noticed that any string that has the world ‘Bible’ in it attracts lots of comments, as does anything about Paris Hilton, bless her heart.  And psychics are always good for getting noticed, too; hence, my hoax’s title and theme.

I hope I am covering all the bases!

Good choices for your prophecy.

Unfortunately (for me), I have not figured out how to make money off this; I think I should have gotten copper bracelets or some kind of God-inspired weight-loss supplement involved, or sell some pamphlet that enlightens the faithful to the deeper meanings that can be found in The Bible if only one knows where to look.

Don’t forget tee-shirts (men’s and women’s), coffee mugs and baseball hats.  Maybe some pens and/or pencils, too.  Oh.  And key chains.  Those are always good.  Gah.  And don’t forget bookmarks.  And refrigerator magnets!

4 The woman was dressed in purple and scarlet, and was glittering with gold, prescious stones, and perals.  [Now I knew He was referring to Miss PH.]  She held a golden cup in her hand [representing her spoiled life ? ] filled with abominable things and the filth of her adulteries [Truly The Lord is speaking of her, the tramp, and the cup is filled with her own greivous sins!]

Really!  I haven’t consulted the fashion trends, but I don’t think purple and scarlett are “in” colors right now.  Ms. Hilton would never be caught in such untrendy colors!

You better get on the horn to all those designers and start trying to push purple to be the hot color in their next line.  (Anyone know when fashion week is?  And isn’t it in France?)  After all, what’s a bit of inconsistent time line (purple being trendy after she was in jail) when it comes to prophecy?

Otherwise an excellent hind-sight prophecy, Dan.  You better start getting your next one located.  Maybe something to do with next year’s presidential elections?  Or is that too obvious?  Maybe something having to do with Brad and Angelina?

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Posted: 29 June 2007 03:27 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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I’m convinced,
can I join your cult?

Here’s my house, my money and my cat :/

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Posted: 29 June 2007 09:30 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
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If you take Sharruma’s cat, maybe you should claim to see Paris’s name in the markings (even if it’s a plain black cat). Then you post a picture of the cat on the website Tah suggested, with two copies of the same picture - one of the cat as normal, and one ‘for those who are blind to the truth’, where you have traced on the side of the cat where the name is - preferably drawn on in a wobbly manner in Paint.

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Posted: 29 June 2007 09:31 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
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Like so…
wink

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Posted: 29 June 2007 10:40 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
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Copy, paste, and forward to everyone you know.  smile

This is hilarious.

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Posted: 29 June 2007 10:56 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]
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Bebelicious - 29 June 2007 02:40 PM

Copy, paste, and forward to everyone you know.  smile

This is hilarious.

And then sit there wondering why everyone you know now pretends to not know you anymore. . .

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Posted: 29 June 2007 11:19 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]
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Also, delete this thread since this website is Google searchable.

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So I can just type anything and it will show up here?

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Posted: 29 June 2007 05:58 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]
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The book. You forget to sell a book. And a DVD.

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Posted: 29 June 2007 06:33 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 9 ]
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Boo - 29 June 2007 01:31 PM

Like so…
wink

OH MY GOD!!! how… how does that cats fur day Paris!!! it’s the Apocalypse!!! *runs around in circles screaming*

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Posted: 29 June 2007 06:37 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 10 ]
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Woo-hoo! Excellent idea! I can’t wait to see it reported on CNN and Fox News.  (And it will be, undoubtedly.)

Ooh! That reminds me of a way to get the story directly to the media!  It is covered in a book called “Prank the Monkey” by Sir John Hargrave, which I think was mentioned on this site before.

Anyway, he mentioned in his book to send the stories directly to the reporter.  No stupid letters to the editor!  If it avoids the middle man, there’s less of a chance of it being fact checked! 
If you don’t know the reporter’s e-mail address, it’s not hard to figure out.  It’s usually .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) or .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).  For example, .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) or .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

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Posted: 29 June 2007 07:17 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 11 ]
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Hmmmmm..  With a bit of work Dan we could found a whole new religion around this concept.  Just imagine Almighty Church of Paris.    You would have millions of converts in a short time.  Rake in the money and spend it all on fast cars, fast women and big houses.  The media would be all over it.  How many churches have a living patron saint???  The possibilities are endless.  smile

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