“The New Age is a Paper Tiger” by Dr. Adequate.
New Age: Wouldn’t it be wonderful if minute doses of toxins could make people healthier?
New Age: Homeopathy! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could cure diseases by sticking needles in people?
Science: Intravenous injection?
New Age: Acupuncture! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if people without medical degrees or scientific training could treat serious medical conditions by the laying on of hands?
New Age: Faith healing! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if naturally occurring substances could cure diseases?
New Age: Ephedra! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if people had remarkable mental powers?
Science: Language, memory, imagination, reason, love, compassion, hope, altruism…
New Age: Spoonbending! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if people could communicate with one another over large distances?
Science: By telephone?
New Age: By telepathy! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was some way of seeing distant people and places?
New Age: Remote viewing! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if people could fly?
Science: By aeroplane?
New Age: By bouncing on their bottoms and repeating a mantra! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could determine the sex of an unborn child?
Science: Using ultrasound?
New Age: Using pendulum dowsing! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if every part of the universe was bound to every other part by mysterious forces?
Science: As in quantum physics?
New Age: As an explanation for the tricks of stage psychics! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if mysterious vibrations were the explanation for all phenomena?
Science: Quantum physics again, surely?
New Age: Such as the “good vibrations” I get from my magic crystals! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was such a thing as “negative energy’‘?
Science: As is associated with a gravitational field?
New Age: As an objective, scientific explanation of why I should dislike the people I dislike! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the study of numbers and calculation could help us to discover how the world works?
New Age: Numerology! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there were some things science can’t explain…
Science: Here’s a list as long as your arm. Can you help us to get research funding?
New Age: ... such as why a pretty pebble price $29.99 plus postage and packing can improve my karma and ward off negative forces! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if studying the stars could lead us to important truths?
Science: Such as the origin of the universe?
New Age: Such as that Librans should avoid shopping trips this Wednesday! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if in some distant mountain range there flourished an shaggy semi-intelligent animal closely related to humans?
Science: The Congo mountain gorilla?
New Age: The yeti! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the Earth were being observed from outer space?
Science: By weather satellites?
New Age: By Little Green Men! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if ancient civilizations had discovered a mysterious occult key to the workings of the Universe, the knowlege of which has been handed down from generation to generation by a small, shy, uncommunicative sect?
New Age: Atlanteans! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if superior intelligences who have mastered the secrets of space flight were trying to communicate with me?
New Age: Aliens! Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there were beautiful stripy ferocious big cats living in Asia…
New Age: ... made entirely out of paper! After all, aren’t things always more wonderful if they are…
New Age: Imaginary!
I can’t beat that.