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Some of lifes little mysteries….
Posted: 04 August 2005 05:27 AM   [ Ignore ]
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1. Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get
undressed?

2. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down
to the core of the earth?

3. Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

4. Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your
arse?

5. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you
do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic’?

6. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

7. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

8. Why does mineral water that ‘has trickled through mountains for
centuries’ have a ‘use by’ date?

9. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?

10. Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

11. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out’?

12. What do people in China call their good plates?

13. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time,
but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

14. What do you call male ballerinas?

15. Why is a person that handles your money called a ‘Broker’?

16. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

17. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

18. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

19. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

20. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of the window?!

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Posted: 04 August 2005 09:37 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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Very funny Dee, love it!

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The Middleman: (drinking milk) You know, that was some darn fine cow squirt.

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Posted: 04 August 2005 10:58 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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1. Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
Because they aren’t getting paid enough to look at the rest of you!

2. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
No, everything below the crust is was claimed by and belongs to Doug McClure.

3. Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Sexual selection in humans has led women to have a genetic predisposition to dainty, slender necks. As a consequence of this the arteries in their necks are slightly smaller than in men and partially restrict the flow of blood. You might expect this to lead to a proportional reduction in the size of their brains, but no, women compensate for the lesser ‘bore’ by pumping the blood round the head with the musculature of the lower jaw. This is why women can’t do anything with their mouths closed!

4. Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your arse?
Yes, buy an electric toothbrush.

5. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic’?
When you first join Alcoholics Anonymous, you are given a false name other than your own to use at meetings. If you can still remember it at your next meeting, they know you haven’t been on a bender in the meantime.

6. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
Because they work on entirely different physical principals.

7. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Actually, there is a light in your freezer, but unlike the fridge’s it only comes on when the door is shut. To see this for yourself, just climb into your freezer and shut the door.

8. Why does mineral water that ‘has trickled through mountains for centuries’ have a ‘use by’ date?
In the case of Perrier, because immediately after being extracted it is handled by French people.

9. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?
This is mandated by Federal law. During the cold war, this was intended to provide the populace with a quick source of charcoal should the western nations ever face attack by chemical weapons.

10. Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
No, it is called “baisers avec des langues”.

11. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out’?
A baby cow.

12. What do people in China call their good plates?
Either “hao die” or “hao she”, I’m not sure of the distinction.

13. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Perhaps they wish to bathe more than their crotch?

14. What do you call male ballerinas?
Ballet Dancers.

15. Why is a person that handles your money called a ‘Broker’?
The word comes from the arabic “al-baraka” meaning a gift or favour. Which is what he thinks he is doing you!

16. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Quizzes aren’t quizzical they are quizzing, hence tests are testing.

17. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
All oils are in fact of petrochemical origin. Corn oil was originally marketed as a foot care product, and vegetable oil was once sold to competitive gardeners. Their use in cooking was accidentally discovered at the turn of the 20th century, but by then the names had stuck.

18. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
Because wet-paint dries.

19. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Yes, but they don’t know it!

20. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of the window?!
Your breath smells, see answer to [4]!

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Posted: 04 August 2005 11:02 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
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I didn’t know about the but wiggling…I don’t think I do that when I brush my teeth.

And when you open your mouth, it pulls the skin under the eyes taught - so you don’t get mascara goo on your under-eye area.

I do think those are cute though.

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Posted: 04 August 2005 06:58 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
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21.  Why do most webpages link back to themselves when you click on their logo?

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Fry: And then the battle is not so bad?
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Posted: 09 August 2005 06:38 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
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Good ones Dee… and kudos to you too David.

Very Funny!

cheese

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Posted: 09 August 2005 09:48 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]
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cool, i liked them.

light travels faster than sound, thats why people seem bright until they open their mouth.

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You don’t deserve them at their best.

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Posted: 11 August 2005 03:18 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]
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#9 i like eating burnt tost :p

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Posted: 28 August 2009 10:24 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]
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LOL

Cougar found this one poking around the old forum jokes and I thought it was pretty funny.
(Besides, we all know how Boo gets if there isn’t at least SOMETHING nearby that is semi-undead.) raspberry LOL

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