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Stupid Hoax Email.  Industrious research skills?  Fertile imagination?  Or too much free time?
Posted: 24 August 2006 09:47 PM   [ Ignore ]
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I don’t know what is and is not true anymore, and to be honest, I don’t know why I even care.  But someone sent me this stupid email today and I can’t help wonder if any of it is based in fact.  I was able to find on a google search that this Walter fellow did indeed get fired after a few months, but did they really give him $26M as a severence package?  Anybody know where or why these things get started?  What fertile imagination or industrious research skills come up with this crap?  Any and all theories appreciated.


  TOP 8 MORONS OF 2005
 
  1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?

  AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.
 
  2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:

  Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, “Please come out and give yourself up.”
 
  3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???

  An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
 
  4. THE GETAWAY!

  A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
 
  5. DID I SAY THAT???

  Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: “Give me all your money or I’ll shoot”, the man shouted, “That’s not what I said!”.
 
  6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???

  A man spoke frantically into the phone: “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart”. “Is this her first child?” the doctor asked. “No!” the man shouted, “This is her husband!”
 
  7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!

  In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun… Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!
 
  8. THE GRAND FINALE!!!

  Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
  NOW REMEMBER…THIS IS TRUE. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

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Posted: 24 August 2006 10:05 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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No. 6 is an old joke.  Most of them are urban legends, if they actually happened at all.  Although I think Snopes has uncovered actual occurences of No. 10.

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Posted: 24 August 2006 10:09 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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I’m fairly sure I remember reading #4 and #7 (robber working in the Kwik Mart and the bank hold up with thumb and forefinger) in News of the Weird. Those are gleaned from straight from newspapers.  They usually submitted from readers.  The guy who puts it together verifies the stories (at least to some extent) and credits the sources where they first appeared.

I’ve heard #2 (guy standing beside the police yelling in at himself) before.  As well as #3 and #5 (withdrawal of own money and the lineup).

Number six sounds like a joke and is something I’ve probably heard before.

Number eight has been floating around the internet for some years.  Who would know if it’s true any longer?

Numer one is pretty typical of any CEO/President termination.  Huge buy outs are usually part of the contracted deals when they get hired.  Why do you think that mutli-million dollar companies need to cut costs to keep profits up?  To pay the big wigs…even the big wigs they get rid of!

Anyway, my guess on having these put together is someone who had them emailed to them, saw them posted on a message board and/or read News of the Weird and just decided to stick them all together in one funny email.

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Posted: 24 August 2006 10:20 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
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Smerk - 25 August 2006 02:05 AM

I think Snopes has uncovered actual occurences of No. 10.

Um… Are we reading the same post??? Which number 10?

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Posted: 24 August 2006 10:27 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
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Sorry, Snowy.  I meant 8.  (Blaming mistake on lack of sleep and busy work wink ).

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Posted: 24 August 2006 10:38 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
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Smerk - 25 August 2006 02:27 AM

Sorry, Snowy.  I meant 8.  (Blaming mistake on lack of sleep and busy work wink ).

No no no.  You’re supposed to go back and correct your post and then say, “What are you talking about?  Why are you misquoting me?”  LOL

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Posted: 25 August 2006 04:53 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]
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Well, something very much like #2 happened just south of here in a small town a while ago.  The police and S.W.A.T team had surrounded the house for hours, and a guy who was watching kept trying to go up to them and talk to them, but was constantly told to get back.  It turned out that the guy was the man that the police were after, and he was trying to turn himself in.

And having worked as a harbourmaster, I’ve seen quite a few very instances where people tried to sail their boat away without unhooking it from the trailer.  But since their trucks were always still attached to the trailer as well, they figured out rather quickly that something wasn’t quite right.  Either the boat wouldn’t move, the boat would go about 20 feet and then stop as the fastening cable reached its full extension, or the truck would go for a swim.

Ah, the stories I could tell from my days at the marina. . .  *gets all nostalgic*

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