1 of 1
Poll
Can you believe it?
yep 15
nope 4
possibly 1
maybe 1
stop with the polls! 4
Total Votes: 25
You must be a logged-in member to vote
Actual Military warnings - can YOU believe it?
Posted: 10 June 2006 03:29 PM   [ Ignore ]
Five Star Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  5153
Joined  2005-01-11

ACTUAL MILITARY WARNINGS, can you believe it?

“Aim towards the Enemy.” -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

“When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.” -U.S. Army

“Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground.” U.S.A.F.Ammo Troop

“If the enemy is in range, so are you.” -Infantry Journal

“A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what’s left of your unit.” -Army’s magazine of preventive maintenance.

“It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.” -U.S. Air Force Manual

“Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.” -Infantry Journal

“Tracers work both ways.” -U.S. Army Ordnance

“Five-second fuses only last three seconds.” -Infantry Journal

“Bravery is being the only one who knows you’re afraid.”—Col. David Hackworth

“If your attack is going too well, you’re probably walking into an ambush.” -Infantry Journal

“No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.” -Joe Gay

“Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once.”-Anon

“Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.” -Unknown Army Recruit

“Don’t draw fire; it irritates the people around you.” -Your Buddies

(And lastly) “If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.”—U.S.A. Ammo Troop

 Signature 

If you can’t handle someone at their worst,

You don’t deserve them at their best.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 10 June 2006 09:18 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
Administrator
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  9365
Joined  2005-01-23
thundy - 10 June 2006 07:29 PM

“A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what’s left of your unit.” -Army’s magazine of preventive maintenance.

LOL

 Signature 

The Middleman: (drinking milk) You know, that was some darn fine cow squirt.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 10 June 2006 09:30 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
Five Star Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  61098
Joined  2005-04-14

I’ve heard (and used) many of these sayings myself over the years; they’re well enough known in the militaries of the world.  The “aim towards the enemy” instructions on rockets and mines and things like that are common enough, too, since otherwise somebody who’s working their way through the instructions might actually neglect that one little detail. . .

 Signature 

“If any man wish to write in a clear style, let him be first clear in his thoughts.”

Profile
 
 
Posted: 11 June 2006 12:47 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
Administrator
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  26371
Joined  2004-11-29

Funnily enough, I can imagine you using a lot of them, Acci. smile

 Signature 

Remember, a Dragon is for life!

Profile
 
 
Posted: 11 June 2006 06:23 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
Administrator
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  6453
Joined  2004-11-08

I’ve heard lots of those in use…I went through an old Army manual trying to find some funny things…but didn’t find much…Oh well.

 Signature 

I’m loving the puppies.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 12 June 2006 04:55 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
Five Star Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  61098
Joined  2005-04-14

Since it’s recognised that many recruits aren’t going to be coming from a highly-educated background, often various manuals are printed in comic-book form.  Those can be rather amusing to look at some times.

 Signature 

“If any man wish to write in a clear style, let him be first clear in his thoughts.”

Profile
 
 
Posted: 12 June 2006 07:25 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]
Five Star Member
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  4243
Joined  2005-06-05

These were old, old military jokes when I was young.

I remembered thems as Murphy’s Military Laws, and a quick google brings up several others not on the above list.

Recoilless rifles aren’t.
Neutral countries aren’t.
Friendly fire isn’t.
When you are advancing artillery fire is always short.
When the enemy are advancing artillery fire is always long.
Never share a foxhole with someone braver than you.
Teamwork is essential—it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can’t get out.
The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.
If you’re short of everything except the enemy, you’re in a combat zone.
Once you have secured an area, don’t forget to tell the enemy.
There’s always a way.
The easy way is always mined.
So is the difficult way.
The weather isn’t neutral.
Remember, your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
All other things being equal, the side with the simplest uniforms wins.
It’s not the one with your name on it it’s the one addressed “to whom it may concern” that you should be worried about.
Mines are an equal opportunity weapon.
Never be the first, never be the last and never volunteer for anything.
Anything you do can get you shot; this including doing nothing.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 13 June 2006 07:54 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]
Five Star Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  5153
Joined  2005-01-11

“Incoming fire has the right of way.”
This one made me spit my drink out…

 Signature 

If you can’t handle someone at their worst,

You don’t deserve them at their best.

Profile
 
 
Posted: 14 June 2006 03:49 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]
Five Star Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  3174
Joined  2005-05-19

Most of these are quite amusing, although some of them are actually good sense, i.e not looking important, common way of taking out a unit of troops is to take the officers first, tends to demoralise the men a bit more. Like Acci said most squaddies (or grunts as they are known in the US) are hardly reknowned for their mental capacity!

 Signature 

“Never before in my time at the bar or on the bench have I ever had to deal with somebody who voluntarily allowed himself to be buggered by a dog on the public highway.”

Profile
 
 
Posted: 14 June 2006 03:50 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 9 ]
Five Star Member
Avatar
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  3174
Joined  2005-05-19
Nettie - 11 June 2006 01:18 AM
thundy - 10 June 2006 07:29 PM

“A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what’s left of your unit.” -Army’s magazine of preventive maintenance.

LOL

Actually that one made me laugh so much a little bit of wee came out….

red face

 Signature 

“Never before in my time at the bar or on the bench have I ever had to deal with somebody who voluntarily allowed himself to be buggered by a dog on the public highway.”

Profile
 
 
Posted: 14 June 2006 05:51 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 10 ]
Five Star Member
RankRankRankRankRank
Total Posts:  4243
Joined  2005-06-05

My favourites are “When the pin is out, Mr. Grenade is not our friend!” (which I have actually used in conversation), and “Mines are equal opportunity weapons!”

The second one always reminds me of the minefield scene from Blackadder Goes Forth:
“If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what should we do ?”
“The normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter yourself over a wide area.”

Profile
 
 
   
1 of 1
 
‹‹ Cinderella      As I’ve matured... ››